in His hands

God has taught me a lot lately about dependence. dependence on Him in every
circumstance. the cool thing about God is when i ask Him to show me
something .
. . He does !!

so let me back up a little . . . a few days ago (and by that i mean January
12) my dear friend Katherine and i felt called to do a 21-day adventure
called
The Daniel Fast. in short, the fast consists of only eating fruits,
vegetables,
nuts, and water (no meats, no sweets, no bread, etc.). in hopes
of seeing the
Lord in a new light, i started the fast. the first two days
were AWFUL let me
just tell you, but God was just preparing me so that He
could blow my
mind !!



repeatedly i said to God, "i want to see You, be near, be near. i am giving
all this up, and i am not seeing You". one night He simply said,

rely on Me, beloved



in the course of those next three weeks, Jesus revealed Himself in
countless ways. through scripture, prayers, sweet friends (thank you avery,
katherine, chloe, tracy, etc.), nature and dreams !! back to dependence . .
.



please go pick up your Bible and read 1 Kings 17:1-6. if you are lazy or
don't have a Bible, this story is about the prophet Elijah. God sent him to
a
ravine and Elijah obeyed without knowing why he needed to go
there.
God provided the faithful prophet with bread, meat, and water twice a
day, for
weeks, by ordering ravens to deliver it to him !!!! when i read
this story i
almost cried. that day alone, i read it 3 times -- thinking, if
only i could
have faith like that ! my heart yearned to trust the King of
the Universe in all
circumstances. Because God provides for the devoted
heart. He cares for his
people.



also, Jesus showed me the story in Matthew 6:25-34. you should read this
too, but i will type out some parts that really stuck out to me. "Therefore
I
tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or
about
your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important that food,
and the
body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they
do not sow
or reap or store away in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds
them. Are you not
much more valuable than they? . . ."

courtney, I am taking care of; You are in My hands; depend on
Me.

Jesus goes on to say not to worry about tomorrow. we should be like lilies
f the field, not stressing out about what is to come next.

Today, i saw about 12 deer in my backyard. i began laughing and smiling
and crying because i knew they were not worrying about a thing ! there was a
blanket of snow on the ground, but they did not care. they just were
delicately prancing through the woods. . . i know this sounds funny, but i saw God in those deer !! i know God placed those precious creatures there to show me i should be like that ! my life is in the hands of the Master Creator - so why would i not trust Him with everything
?! so, i saw God. i am seeing God. He is speaking and moving and pursuing
and loving and providing. "He's got the whole world in His hands"
remember ?

seek God and you will find Him. how beautiful.

so, i'm kinda new at this

well, hi.
this is always the part of new things that i hate. sometimes beginnings aren't my favorite. i guess i should start with some "about me" before posting, but honestly i don't think a 4-sentence paragraph will help you to get to know me. so, i am going to just start. and hopefully soon you'll get a sense for what i'm all about.

here's a poem i wrote in bed this morning :

i have been endlessly dreaming --
for a couple of days now.
wrapped up in thoughts and feelings

mindlessly wandering through
the rooms and closets
of my innermost.

i search.
i ponder.
what do all these little pieces mean? i ask myself
will they ever fit together?
i don't know.

every once and awhile
i stumble into a whimsical closet --
one filled to the brim
with ephipany, and wonder, and discovery.
rarely do i find closets like these.
rarely do i find definite answers.

but until i do,
i keep searching
-- and pondering
sorting through the colors and sounds ..