i have a feeling this post is going to be insignificant and meaningless. it is 12:30 AM and i have had an eventful day. eventful, but pretty good and well-rounded. i don't know if i've informed you, dear reader, but i have been "babysitting" my 11 year old brother, john, all week.
today john and i went swimming, ran TWO MILES together, and even threw in a little walmart run in between. john and i get along pretty well for siblings. now, i mean, we have our daily bickering, but nothing too intense. i kind of downplay how much fun i have with him ! he's a funny kid, you should meet him soon.
okay: subject change. (my brain is one big mess of thoughts all tangled together.)
i have been my own distraction lately. i have been checking Facebook and Twitter more than ever. i have been keeping my fingers busy by cleaning dishes, sketching doodles, and changing channels on the television. when i reflect on these past 24 hours, i can't really seem to think of a time i just was doing nothing. do you ever just sit? doing this said activity is dangerous. so dangerous in fact, we rarely do it. let me explain more clearly: rarely do you ever explore the silence of your mind and heart? do you ever take enough time to just breathe in and out, in and out, and examine what your innermost is constantly whispering? do you ever slow your breath enough to hear your our heartbeat? do you ever just stop/pause/slam on the breaks? we Americans are so busy. each minute must be filled. our Day Timer's must have every hour slot booked. why? is my question.
i propose a revolt against this. let's heal and mend our worn-out-selves. let's marinate ourselves in beautiful rest. if only for a minute, let's let our guard down and be vulnerable before the Almighty God. He has a lot to say if only we would listen. i think we will begin to see more clearly and we will definitely feel more refreshed. shall we?
so for the rest of this night, i think i am going to shut down this computer; put away my phone. and catch up on some much-needed thinking time. apologies for this rant of sorts. just my 2 cents for the day, i suppose.
well, if you'll excuse me, i have a meeting with Soul and Mind.
goodnight little ones.
- C
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
solitude/healing/etc.
i am so tired.
my body is weak, and my brain is fried. today has been interesting.
but i'm sitting here curled up in my bed tonight, and in the stillness of this moment, in the quiet.... i hear God's speaking voice. His soft, gentle, beautiful voice.
oh, but first, i have a confession:
i am really self centered. well, at least i have been, lately. and here is why: the idea of being alone scares me. the idea of being still, and quiet, and not busy; scares me. since this journey has begun, i have been trying to fill every moment with an activity, project, or "coffee date". i think all of these things on my to-do list are worthwhile, don't get me wrong. but just simply crossing written words off a list still isn't satisfying me. my self-planned pity parties aren't helping either. and the amount of ice cream i'm eating is getting disgusting. i keep getting discouraged because i thought all of these things were supposed to help?! hmm....
i'm hearing Yeshua speak, and He is telling me not only to slow down, but to look into His beautiful face for my contentment. Oh, how He loves me, and so often i forget. if i could just get a taste of the love He has for me, i would never be the same. it's so infinite!
-sigh- i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm learning. i am learning slowly that even though i really don't like being stuck at home alone all summer, there is purpose behind it. i think God is trying to strip me of my selfishness and humble me. and i'm ready to be broken before the Father -- i believe that is where my true healing will begin.
so, dear friend,
remember "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). i will try to remember this too.
goodnight,
Court
my body is weak, and my brain is fried. today has been interesting.
but i'm sitting here curled up in my bed tonight, and in the stillness of this moment, in the quiet.... i hear God's speaking voice. His soft, gentle, beautiful voice.
oh, but first, i have a confession:
i am really self centered. well, at least i have been, lately. and here is why: the idea of being alone scares me. the idea of being still, and quiet, and not busy; scares me. since this journey has begun, i have been trying to fill every moment with an activity, project, or "coffee date". i think all of these things on my to-do list are worthwhile, don't get me wrong. but just simply crossing written words off a list still isn't satisfying me. my self-planned pity parties aren't helping either. and the amount of ice cream i'm eating is getting disgusting. i keep getting discouraged because i thought all of these things were supposed to help?! hmm....
i'm hearing Yeshua speak, and He is telling me not only to slow down, but to look into His beautiful face for my contentment. Oh, how He loves me, and so often i forget. if i could just get a taste of the love He has for me, i would never be the same. it's so infinite!
-sigh- i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm learning. i am learning slowly that even though i really don't like being stuck at home alone all summer, there is purpose behind it. i think God is trying to strip me of my selfishness and humble me. and i'm ready to be broken before the Father -- i believe that is where my true healing will begin.
so, dear friend,
remember "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). i will try to remember this too.
goodnight,
Court
Friday, June 18, 2010
confessions of an uncoordinated soul
so, i've been a slacker the past two days. my dearest apologies. i was meaning to post this on wednesday but never got around to it. and i'm also going to post my thoughts about yesterday, in just a minute. so bare with me i'm a little scatter-brained here at the moment.
wednesday June 16th at 4:15 pm. i, courtney hampton, eternally embarrassed myself and quite possibly made for a good laugh for everyone else involved. on this particular day, i had decided to go to a class at the Athletic Club called Zumba. my teacher who goes to the class said that it is just an aerobics class to really upbeat music. i decided, "hey! why not! i'll give it a shot." i also decided to bring my mother along with me.
now, pause. some things you should know about me:
1. i am sufficiently awkward in all situations
2. i have no coordination or rhythm whatsoever
3. i tend to embarrass myself quite frequently
4. i really, really, really want to learn how to dance
moving on, i arrive at the class to find out that some friends from school were there. ughhhhh, i thought. i am going make a foooool out of myself. indeed, my conjecture was correct. . .
have you ever been to an aerobics class? if you have, Zumba was that times two, with some Latino, shake-what-your-momma-gave-you moves thrown in there. i was in total shock . i do not dance. i do not shake my hips or shimmy. as we started the first Lady Gaga song, i could not follow along to Ms. Bonnie, the instructor, for the life of me. i am sure i looked like a ruhtard trying to keep up with the turns and hip swings. i finally started cracking up and my mom did too. we did NOT know what we had gotten ourselves into. anyways, long story short: i had fun. i burned some calories. i looked like an idiot.
next time, i think i should just wear an 80's workout outfit; that'd just be the icing on the cake.
-C
wednesday June 16th at 4:15 pm. i, courtney hampton, eternally embarrassed myself and quite possibly made for a good laugh for everyone else involved. on this particular day, i had decided to go to a class at the Athletic Club called Zumba. my teacher who goes to the class said that it is just an aerobics class to really upbeat music. i decided, "hey! why not! i'll give it a shot." i also decided to bring my mother along with me.
now, pause. some things you should know about me:
1. i am sufficiently awkward in all situations
2. i have no coordination or rhythm whatsoever
3. i tend to embarrass myself quite frequently
4. i really, really, really want to learn how to dance
moving on, i arrive at the class to find out that some friends from school were there. ughhhhh, i thought. i am going make a foooool out of myself. indeed, my conjecture was correct. . .
have you ever been to an aerobics class? if you have, Zumba was that times two, with some Latino, shake-what-your-momma-gave-you moves thrown in there. i was in total shock . i do not dance. i do not shake my hips or shimmy. as we started the first Lady Gaga song, i could not follow along to Ms. Bonnie, the instructor, for the life of me. i am sure i looked like a ruhtard trying to keep up with the turns and hip swings. i finally started cracking up and my mom did too. we did NOT know what we had gotten ourselves into. anyways, long story short: i had fun. i burned some calories. i looked like an idiot.
next time, i think i should just wear an 80's workout outfit; that'd just be the icing on the cake.
-C
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
0.o < this is my face
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein.
i have always thought of myself as a dreamer or free thinker of sorts. my mind is always coming up with big ideas. i'm always fantasizing my next project or goal, with as much passion and zeal as the biggest dreamers around. there is one problem. i cannot finish things. let me paint you a little picture..... no matter how much i LOVE a book, i cannot for the life of me finish it. even if i am up into the wee hours of the night devouring each page... i still seem to always put it aside and never read the ending chapters. or, even if i am so excited about a hobby, i cannot stay motivated. i have always had a passion for running and sewing, but just cannot seem to stay consistent. for you those of you that know me, this hindrance can be extremely frustrating. because with a mind full of colors, sounds, ideas, inventions, and creativity -- not being able to carry these things out is just awful.
even when i decided to start this little blogging experiment, i got scared because i know that most likely i won't follow through with it. but don't worry, i am going to do it! like i said the other day, i have this spark of determination to finish a task, and my eyes are on the finish line.
i love what Einstein said. it really has nothing to do with this post i just had to add it in here
-smile-
oh ! but let me tell you what i've done today and yesterday.
yesterday: i watched Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Let me tell you, it was phenomenal!! i looooooved the color and imagery. i loved Johnny Depp. i loved the little details such as the scratched up floors, and pretty little lace dresses for Alice. i am beginning to admire Mr. Burton, because he understands what Einstein is saying. He understands that his imagination, and the creator and dreamer in his head can speak great depths. his ideas convey messages to people in ways not many other directors can. by all means, i am not saying that knowledge is obsolete. i am just saying if you are trying to speak to the hearts of people, you must innovate the personal side of you to them. mark your personalized stamp on life. its fresh, its new, and it's like no one elses.
am i rambling yet ? (;
today: i painted. not my best, but enjoyable none the less. but the best part of the day was probably was getting some unexpected phone calls and texts ! the first surprise was text all the way from AFRICA !!!! my friend is there for a mission trip. it definitely put a smile on my face to know someone was thinking of me halfway across the world. then, like things couldn't get any better, my lovely friend Katherine called me !! she is precious. it was just nice to hear from people who have left for awhile.
okay, i am not going to bore you anymore. sleep well, andddd g'night !
love,
C
i have always thought of myself as a dreamer or free thinker of sorts. my mind is always coming up with big ideas. i'm always fantasizing my next project or goal, with as much passion and zeal as the biggest dreamers around. there is one problem. i cannot finish things. let me paint you a little picture..... no matter how much i LOVE a book, i cannot for the life of me finish it. even if i am up into the wee hours of the night devouring each page... i still seem to always put it aside and never read the ending chapters. or, even if i am so excited about a hobby, i cannot stay motivated. i have always had a passion for running and sewing, but just cannot seem to stay consistent. for you those of you that know me, this hindrance can be extremely frustrating. because with a mind full of colors, sounds, ideas, inventions, and creativity -- not being able to carry these things out is just awful.
even when i decided to start this little blogging experiment, i got scared because i know that most likely i won't follow through with it. but don't worry, i am going to do it! like i said the other day, i have this spark of determination to finish a task, and my eyes are on the finish line.
i love what Einstein said. it really has nothing to do with this post i just had to add it in here
-smile-
oh ! but let me tell you what i've done today and yesterday.
yesterday: i watched Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Let me tell you, it was phenomenal!! i looooooved the color and imagery. i loved Johnny Depp. i loved the little details such as the scratched up floors, and pretty little lace dresses for Alice. i am beginning to admire Mr. Burton, because he understands what Einstein is saying. He understands that his imagination, and the creator and dreamer in his head can speak great depths. his ideas convey messages to people in ways not many other directors can. by all means, i am not saying that knowledge is obsolete. i am just saying if you are trying to speak to the hearts of people, you must innovate the personal side of you to them. mark your personalized stamp on life. its fresh, its new, and it's like no one elses.
am i rambling yet ? (;
today: i painted. not my best, but enjoyable none the less. but the best part of the day was probably was getting some unexpected phone calls and texts ! the first surprise was text all the way from AFRICA !!!! my friend is there for a mission trip. it definitely put a smile on my face to know someone was thinking of me halfway across the world. then, like things couldn't get any better, my lovely friend Katherine called me !! she is precious. it was just nice to hear from people who have left for awhile.
okay, i am not going to bore you anymore. sleep well, andddd g'night !
love,
C
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Leap of Faith
hello! i know i haven't written in quite awhile, but i have come back to the blogging world with passion and purpose.
i am on a journey for the next few weeks, kids. pretty much all of my close friends are leaving for about a month. all at the same time. and basically, this a recipe for "Courtney Trainwreck". in other words, i don't do well alone. mental brakedowns, crying, eating unholy amounts of ice cream, pouting, and sappy chick flicks will all be invited to my pity party.
but for some reason, all of those things don't sound too exciting. so i have decided to scream a big "NO!" at the Negative Nancy inside my little noggin. i do not want to spend these next few weeks wishing i had gone on an adventerous trip or taken risks or tried new things: i am going to!
this determination inside me is rare. this determination is driving me to write blogs posts. this is going to be interesting.
so, i've made a list of some things that i need/want/have been meaning to do. i guess each day, ill write about something i have done.
on an ending note, i think you should know that my middle name is Faith. a dear friend had to remind me of that the other day when i was crying like a 5 year old in Panera. i needed to be reminded that the God of the Universe was planning my summer for His purposes and not my own. i am His servant and He is planning to use me where He wants me. reluctantly, hesitantly, slowly, i am learning to jump into this deep ocean called Faith. where i let go of all my power, control, regrets, and fears. where i free-fall into the glorious plans of my God and believe that He alone knows what's best for me. its scary, but i think it will be worth it.
i'll be writing again very shortly ! i might attempt a run or hike tomorrow? -eek-
love,
Court
i am on a journey for the next few weeks, kids. pretty much all of my close friends are leaving for about a month. all at the same time. and basically, this a recipe for "Courtney Trainwreck". in other words, i don't do well alone. mental brakedowns, crying, eating unholy amounts of ice cream, pouting, and sappy chick flicks will all be invited to my pity party.
but for some reason, all of those things don't sound too exciting. so i have decided to scream a big "NO!" at the Negative Nancy inside my little noggin. i do not want to spend these next few weeks wishing i had gone on an adventerous trip or taken risks or tried new things: i am going to!
this determination inside me is rare. this determination is driving me to write blogs posts. this is going to be interesting.
so, i've made a list of some things that i need/want/have been meaning to do. i guess each day, ill write about something i have done.
on an ending note, i think you should know that my middle name is Faith. a dear friend had to remind me of that the other day when i was crying like a 5 year old in Panera. i needed to be reminded that the God of the Universe was planning my summer for His purposes and not my own. i am His servant and He is planning to use me where He wants me. reluctantly, hesitantly, slowly, i am learning to jump into this deep ocean called Faith. where i let go of all my power, control, regrets, and fears. where i free-fall into the glorious plans of my God and believe that He alone knows what's best for me. its scary, but i think it will be worth it.
i'll be writing again very shortly ! i might attempt a run or hike tomorrow? -eek-
love,
Court
Thursday, February 11, 2010
in His hands
God has taught me a lot lately about dependence. dependence on Him in every
circumstance. the cool thing about God is when i ask Him to show me
something .
. . He does !!
circumstance. the cool thing about God is when i ask Him to show me
something .
. . He does !!
so let me back up a little . . . a few days ago (and by that i mean January
12) my dear friend Katherine and i felt called to do a 21-day adventure
called
The Daniel Fast. in short, the fast consists of only eating fruits,
vegetables,
nuts, and water (no meats, no sweets, no bread, etc.). in hopes
of seeing the
Lord in a new light, i started the fast. the first two days
were AWFUL let me
just tell you, but God was just preparing me so that He
could blow my
mind !!
repeatedly i said to God, "i want to see You, be near, be near. i am giving
all this up, and i am not seeing You". one night He simply said,
12) my dear friend Katherine and i felt called to do a 21-day adventure
called
The Daniel Fast. in short, the fast consists of only eating fruits,
vegetables,
nuts, and water (no meats, no sweets, no bread, etc.). in hopes
of seeing the
Lord in a new light, i started the fast. the first two days
were AWFUL let me
just tell you, but God was just preparing me so that He
could blow my
mind !!
repeatedly i said to God, "i want to see You, be near, be near. i am giving
all this up, and i am not seeing You". one night He simply said,
rely on Me, beloved
in the course of those next three weeks, Jesus revealed Himself in
countless ways. through scripture, prayers, sweet friends (thank you avery,
katherine, chloe, tracy, etc.), nature and dreams !! back to dependence . .
.
please go pick up your Bible and read 1 Kings 17:1-6. if you are lazy or
don't have a Bible, this story is about the prophet Elijah. God sent him to
a
ravine and Elijah obeyed without knowing why he needed to go
there.
God provided the faithful prophet with bread, meat, and water twice a
day, for
weeks, by ordering ravens to deliver it to him !!!! when i read
this story i
almost cried. that day alone, i read it 3 times -- thinking, if
only i could
have faith like that ! my heart yearned to trust the King of
the Universe in all
circumstances. Because God provides for the devoted
heart. He cares for his
people.
also, Jesus showed me the story in Matthew 6:25-34. you should read this
too, but i will type out some parts that really stuck out to me. "Therefore
I
tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or
about
your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important that food,
and the
body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they
do not sow
or reap or store away in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds
them. Are you not
much more valuable than they? . . ."
courtney, I am taking care of; You are in My hands; depend on
Me.
Me.
Jesus goes on to say not to worry about tomorrow. we should be like lilies
f the field, not stressing out about what is to come next.
f the field, not stressing out about what is to come next.
Today, i saw about 12 deer in my backyard. i began laughing and smiling
and crying because i knew they were not worrying about a thing ! there was a
blanket of snow on the ground, but they did not care. they just were
delicately prancing through the woods. . . i know this sounds funny, but i saw God in those deer !! i know God placed those precious creatures there to show me i should be like that ! my life is in the hands of the Master Creator - so why would i not trust Him with everything
?! so, i saw God. i am seeing God. He is speaking and moving and pursuing
and loving and providing. "He's got the whole world in His hands"
remember ?
and crying because i knew they were not worrying about a thing ! there was a
blanket of snow on the ground, but they did not care. they just were
delicately prancing through the woods. . . i know this sounds funny, but i saw God in those deer !! i know God placed those precious creatures there to show me i should be like that ! my life is in the hands of the Master Creator - so why would i not trust Him with everything
?! so, i saw God. i am seeing God. He is speaking and moving and pursuing
and loving and providing. "He's got the whole world in His hands"
remember ?
seek God and you will find Him. how beautiful.
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